takin it all for us

 it's been so long since the stars have been gone yet i find i'm startled still when i wake up to an empty sky sat outside my window sill i swallow the feeling deep inside as it rises in me like vomit pray in all of my naivete that the moving objects no comet asked about myself this day id beg to go without comment for there is nothing really left to say without me being honest if i could dispose of my face even if i like the way it lays on the bone that composes my frame i think i know that i'd do it just the same if i could die for a moment in time  if i could be free of my body then i'd have so much that i could say  so many things to live for today  but i'm so acutely aware of my being contained and that's the excuse that i'll feed you today We wake up ...and it starts There was a time, i could swear where we dreamt of, dreamt of stars They truly didn't seem too far Before their faces became marred Prior to being barred I still had my bars Fixed firm...

       I nearly opened this post with "is anyone else perplexed by child stars" but as that statement has about the same intelligence as the statement "what's the deal with airplane food" I think I will rephrase.      Is it a regular feeling for most to feel as if cameras are set up in their home most of their childhood? When I saw the Truman show (at roughly age 10) for the first time I felt... validated, in the most bizarre of ways. My melodramatic existence is one that feels like it has to be scripted, or for show in some way. I have a lot of trouble conceptualizing that I exist within my own bubble and all agony is of no relevancy, really, but personal.       This is the case for everybody as well with their own angst. That's fucking awful, isn't it? You will be spoon fed reassurances of being surrounded by people but it will always be a lie. You are forever and always the only bearer of your experiences, nobody sits down to wa...

  Now, I'm no 'phone bad book good' kinda bitch, don't get me wrong.       Except, I'm also not blind. My generation is the first to grow up without ever having lacked access to the internet. We never had a chance to form ourselves without it really. Parents didn't know to keep their children off it and we absorbed everything thrown at us so easy.      The reason for our short attention spans is one we are all aware of but continue to indulge and adore things like Tiktok and the million and one variations that every other app creates, we understand that the anonimity allows people to hide themselves and yet we do nothing to stop the kind of cruelty that pops up online, the reason we all take a step further back from reality with every major world event only knowing to engage with it as if its another fandom event. Cowards, creeps, ghouls and freaks of all kinds hide behind default images; burner accounts instead of burner phones.   ...

  While I'm at it, here's another work of mine from the era in question in my previous post that is once again heavily infused with listening to a shit ton of MCR. -------------------------------- Oh sure, oh sure You can delay all you’d like This road still ends  WIth your head on a spike Oh sure, oh sure You can run all you’d like But this road still ends With my gun in your- All paths lead to me No matter what it may seem Escape is mandatory But it really bores me Just wanted someone to hold me To show me To show you You run down the sidewalk I go for the crosswalk You run up the hill But I’m still right here You know That there’s no way around me No way to avoid me All roads led you here So  Breathe in your air while you’ve still got the chance All paths lead to me No matter what you say Escape is mandatory But it really bores me Just wanted someone to hold me To show me To show you Look, I don’t mean to sound insane I just find it quite inane You’d continue to go on ...

So, I'm a big My Chemical Romance fan in case you couldn't tell by the... everything about me.      Gerard Way is a fascinating human being to me, in a way that I rarely get invested in celebrites. I attribute this mostly to my method of introduction to this band. Allow me to set the scene for you; It's summer of 2019, I've just gotten off my second to last year of high school. It was a wild year for me indeed with me finally taking steps to free myself of my marionette strings and now being thrown into a world of new potential freedoms. Now, without even a structure to my days I am confronted by a freedom I don't know what to do with.           Towards the middle of the school year I was sort of reintroduced to a girl I'd known in passing for a while. She was... so pretty. So very pretty, but I was a gay little idiot who didn't quite understand how to recognize attraction let alone act upon it. We grew closer and closer yet in a short yet in...