takin it all for us

“Women are born with pain built in, it’s our physical destiny: period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives, men don’t. They have to seek it out, they invent all these gods and demons and things just so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. And then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other and when there aren’t any wars they can play rugby. We have it all going on in here inside, we have pain on a cycle for years and years and years and then just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens? The menopause comes, the f***ing menopause comes, and it is the most wonderful f***ing thing in the world. And yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles and you get f***ing hot and no one cares, but then you’re free, no longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person.” - Fleabag    I, myself, am nowhere fucking near menopause but it doesn't...

       I nearly opened this post with "is anyone else perplexed by child stars" but as that statement has about the same intelligence as the statement "what's the deal with airplane food" I think I will rephrase.      Is it a regular feeling for most to feel as if cameras are set up in their home most of their childhood? When I saw the Truman show (at roughly age 10) for the first time I felt... validated, in the most bizarre of ways. My melodramatic existence is one that feels like it has to be scripted, or for show in some way. I have a lot of trouble conceptualizing that I exist within my own bubble and all agony is of no relevancy, really, but personal.       This is the case for everybody as well with their own angst. That's fucking awful, isn't it? You will be spoon fed reassurances of being surrounded by people but it will always be a lie. You are forever and always the only bearer of your experiences, nobody sits down to wa...

  Now, I'm no 'phone bad book good' kinda bitch, don't get me wrong.       Except, I'm also not blind. My generation is the first to grow up without ever having lacked access to the internet. We never had a chance to form ourselves without it really. Parents didn't know to keep their children off it and we absorbed everything thrown at us so easy.      The reason for our short attention spans is one we are all aware of but continue to indulge and adore things like Tiktok and the million and one variations that every other app creates, we understand that the anonimity allows people to hide themselves and yet we do nothing to stop the kind of cruelty that pops up online, the reason we all take a step further back from reality with every major world event only knowing to engage with it as if its another fandom event. Cowards, creeps, ghouls and freaks of all kinds hide behind default images; burner accounts instead of burner phones.   ...

  While I'm at it, here's another work of mine from the era in question in my previous post that is once again heavily infused with listening to a shit ton of MCR. -------------------------------- Oh sure, oh sure You can delay all you’d like This road still ends  WIth your head on a spike Oh sure, oh sure You can run all you’d like But this road still ends With my gun in your- All paths lead to me No matter what it may seem Escape is mandatory But it really bores me Just wanted someone to hold me To show me To show you You run down the sidewalk I go for the crosswalk You run up the hill But I’m still right here You know That there’s no way around me No way to avoid me All roads led you here So  Breathe in your air while you’ve still got the chance All paths lead to me No matter what you say Escape is mandatory But it really bores me Just wanted someone to hold me To show me To show you Look, I don’t mean to sound insane I just find it quite inane You’d continue to go on ...

So, I'm a big My Chemical Romance fan in case you couldn't tell by the... everything about me.      Gerard Way is a fascinating human being to me, in a way that I rarely get invested in celebrites. I attribute this mostly to my method of introduction to this band. Allow me to set the scene for you; It's summer of 2019, I've just gotten off my second to last year of high school. It was a wild year for me indeed with me finally taking steps to free myself of my marionette strings and now being thrown into a world of new potential freedoms. Now, without even a structure to my days I am confronted by a freedom I don't know what to do with.           Towards the middle of the school year I was sort of reintroduced to a girl I'd known in passing for a while. She was... so pretty. So very pretty, but I was a gay little idiot who didn't quite understand how to recognize attraction let alone act upon it. We grew closer and closer yet in a short yet in...

 “I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat.  What to like, what to hate, what to rage about. What to listen to, what band to like.  What to buy tickets for. What to joke about, what to not joke about.  I want someone to tell me what to believe in. Who to vote for and who to love and how to tell them.  I think I just want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father,  because so far I think I've been getting it wrong.” -Fleabag, s2  I think that having zero free will when you're a child heavily impacts your views of your autonomy for the rest of your life... but hey, maybe that's just me.      The man who lived in my house, who donned the mask of father from time to time, was very insistent on my being all 'safe and sound'. So insistent in fact that trackers, locks and freedom in windows are how I've learnt to love. It's why ownership sounds so appealing at times, why the fucked up roma...