"women are born with pain built in"
“Women are born with pain built in, it’s our physical destiny: period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives, men don’t.
They have to seek it out, they invent all these gods and demons and things just so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. And then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other and when there aren’t any wars they can play rugby.
We have it all going on in here inside, we have pain on a cycle for years and years and years and then just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens? The menopause comes, the f***ing menopause comes, and it is the most wonderful f***ing thing in the world.
And yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles and you get f***ing hot and no one cares, but then you’re free, no longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person.”
- Fleabag
I, myself, am nowhere fucking near menopause but it doesn't take that for this quote to really resonate. It's womanhood.
I find it fascinating, the differing yet overlapping experiences with gender. Everything that differs in terms of a societal standpoint and from an internal standpoint. There are biological differences, yes, but gender is far more ambiguous than sex itself (naturally). I'm cis myself, so I can't speak to the experiences of the trans community but I do remember someone who's close to me -who is, in fact, trans- saying that it was 'possibly one of the most traumatic things you can experience' and I'm dead certain they're correct. In a world so heavily oriented around sex and sexuality, one so entrenched in misogyny and hung up on 'who's fucking who', I cannot imagine myself coming to terms with my body not being my own. Especially with the dumb asses who aren't going to attempt to spare a second to understand that their own experiences in life don't necessarily reflect the general populations and yes, a world does exist outside of you, you fucking imbecile.
I've only ever walked this road of the exploration of gender as a cis woman and I have to say even that, even what we're allegedly already used to and have widely considered an option for decades, is still so fucking behind. I posted a nice lil video the other day to both my TikTok and my Youtube of me just wearing a nice dress I got with my hair and makeup done. I don't normally do anything with my hair or makeup, i'm more a fashion oriented kinda gal so I was excited. The response? 2.3k views and a handful of comments along the lines of "cringe" "this is why we should bring back bullying" so on, so forth. They were referencing the audio I was using from Yandere Simulator (a whole other can of worms) that's been trending on TikTok recently, but the audio was a thinly veiled excuse for what was really being declared here. "How dare you. How dare you enjoy yourself". I find that is a very common issue women run into.
As a teenage girl you are quite literally not allowed to like anything. If you enjoy video games then you're a 'gamer girl' and trying to get guys attention. If you're sporty then you're, once again, doing it to find a way to hang out with the boys. Sense a theme? Of lack of individuality? lack of awarness that women can do things for themselves just because they enjoy it personally? This excerpt from Madison Huizinga's article on the subject summarizes this phenomenon better than I can:
"Last year in my Intro to Communications class, my professor was leading a large lecture about online content creation. Specifically, we were discussing “prosumers,” or people who both produce and consume content online. As an example, my professor showed the class a YouTube video of two teenage girls reacting to a new music video from the beloved K-pop group EXO. In the video, the girls were smiling, dancing, and screaming with glee in response to the music video; you could tell that they were truly delighted by what they were watching. On the other hand, the people in my class didn’t respond to this reaction video in nearly the same way. As I glanced around the room, I saw people wincing, rolling their eyes, and groaning in response to the teenage girls’ animated excitement on-screen. “God, they’re so annoying,” I heard two boys sitting behind me complain in annoyance.
This collective reaction in my class caught me off guard. This YouTube video didn’t agitate me in the slightest, instead, all I saw was two young, happy girls expressing joy about something they love. As I walked out of Kane Hall and back to my dorm, I was puzzled by my peers’ negative responses. Why would my classmates feel so annoyed by these girls’ excitement? I wondered. While I pondered this question, I began thinking about how other groups of individuals express excitement, specifically men. I thought about how many times I had witnessed heterosexual men screaming at full volume over a football game on TV, or how many times I’ve heard boys in high school blast Travis Scott songs from their cars and wail out the lyrics as they perused through the parking lot. Not nearly as many people seem to be annoyed by these overt expressions of joy and excitement. Then it hit me: Double standards. Bingo, I thought." Girl's aren't allowed to like anything and it's ridiculous: Her campus. Her Campus (2021, January 26). Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.hercampus.com/school/washington/girls-arent-allowed-anything-and-its-ridiculous/
The girls who enjoyed Twilight, the girls who didn't, the girls who like makeup and those who don't; no matter what you do or say they have a new stereotype prepared. "Pick Me!", "Bimbo"; A new box to place you into for men to select from, really. I am incapable of wrapping my mind around the amount of anger people seem to carry towards a teenage girl enjoying herself. It's always 'cringe', isn't it?
Especially now in a digital age where teenagers grow up online, posting and interacting with content. I remember recently there was a video of a bunch of kids singing 'Mask' by Dream of the DreamSMP, a Minecraft multiplayer server that's quite popular. They were at a convention gathered together singing it and clearly really enjoying themselves and people jumped down these kids throats, mocking them for how 'cringe' they were. It's gross, truly gross and you're gross if you partake in it, but I digress.
Women aren't viewed as people in the general sphere of things but still as this doll of sorts. Your presentation, your interests, your manner of speaking, the way you hold yourself; it all feels as if people view themselves as the examiners and you the examinee found under a microscope. The inherent sexuality of women is also something still so very not our own the majority of the time. In attempts to reclaim our sexuality we continue to feed men with it and we so easily fall into this pattern of instant approval. I, myself am no stranger to the strange and twisted glee at knowing men are noticing me. I equal parts adore and despise the reaction of others to myself. I feel Mitski puts the temporary and disposable nature you start to feel you have as a woman best in her song 'Liquid Smooth'.
So much so, in fact, that I'm simply going to put the lyrics here for you to read through before continuing to hear what I have to say:
But what am I to do with all this beauty?
Biology, I am an organism, I'm chemical
That's all, that is all
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
And feel my skin is plump and full of life
I'm in my prime
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe
About to fall, capture me
Or at least take my picture
崩れてゆく前に
[Japanese: "Kuzurete yuku mae ni"]
I'm pulsing, my blood is red and unafraid of living
Beginning to end
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
And feel my skin is plump and full of life
I'm in my prime
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe
About to fall
How I feel this river rushing through my veins
With nowhere else to go, it circles 'round
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
And feel my skin is plump and full of life
I'm in my prime
I'm liquid-smooth, come touch me, too
I'm at my highest peak, I'm ripe
About to fall, capture me"
Mitski is a fucking brilliant writer and I admire her ability to capture a feeling like this so perfectly and simply endlessly.
As a woman there is a sort of awareness of your appearance that I don't know if men have. You know it's fleeting, that for a woman really after your teens (ew) and 20's you will begin to be considered irrelevant. It's built into us, this awareness. "Capture me" "Touch me too" Prove to me I'm worthy, prove to me I'm valid as a woman. When did we tie this into the way we express our sexuality? It's solely the case because it benefits men, as so very many things are.
If you are anything beyond a woman written by a man (such as any woman in a Tarantino film) then you will be slapped with unsavory labels your whole life. All of these labels will be poorly disguised ways of calling you An Individual. To them it is a negative thing but they're dead wrong. For a woman I feel that that inherent sexuality we've had infused into us is both our greatest gift and greatest curse. I go on this whole rant to wonder aloud if when that element of me dies, when I am no longer viewing myself in lenses of sexual viability will I feel any different? As stated in the quote I used to open this post "You're free, you're no longer a slave; you're just a person".
I do wonder if that's the case... I suppose only time will tell.
------------------------------------------
Pictures on pictures of my own face
Held within frames; i can keep this place
Here I am still young, here i'm still pretty
Here i'm a fresh faced teen learning to navigate a city
Here where im fantasy and reality rolled into one
A breath of fresh air breathed into weak lungs
Woman is tantalizing, woman is pure
Woman is suggestion of an illness which she holds the cure
Unblemished and smoothed, painted with airbrush
Mount me on shelves to start collecting dust
To be pretty, to be regarded, but not to be held
Carved out of marble maybe then i'll be myself
Raised in a digital age yes it's true
Thriving in blue light monitors the future to you
Spotlight assigned, click through bottom lines
Skimming papers that will dictate your future
And now i'm composed of pixel and bone
Carved of angels sat upon throne
Father o’ mine, toe the bottom line
'You'll never be wanted unless you’re to be used'
Not a lesson that’s wanted, not something you choose
But something repeated it's something you lose
“Woman” of power
“Woman” the curse
“Woman” the word we treat like some burst
A bust, a pimple; a proud display
Whatevers convenient, whatevers called for on the day
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